Have you ever felt like there were ping pong balls bouncing around in your mind? A thought here, and then boing, a thought there, and boing, boing, boing – scattered, random thoughts that are hard to harness in? That was me at the beginning of 2019. I had just finished up a busy, productive year in 2018, and ended up realizing that I had to figure out a way to slow myself down on the inside. The inside of my mind was busy writing to-do lists for myself, writing to-do lists for everyone in my family, and even writing to-do lists for the Lord when I would take the time to pray. We are on a roll, full steam ahead, making progress and crushing goals – this was the mantra I seemed to be operating in! Naturally, I’m wired to LOVE lists, and love the feeling of crossing items off the list – so rewarding and satisfying! I’m a go-getter with a high capacity to multi-task, and can easily slip into feeling security and value in what I have accomplished and conquered.
In early 2019, when I actually stopped and took a moment to zero in on my thoughts, realizing how ping-pongy they were inside, and seeing just how hard it was to be still and quiet and hear the voice of God as well as hear my own heart and thoughts beyond lists – I realized I needed help! I realized I had become disconnected from my heart and His heart. Psalms 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” But, how can you do that when the inside feels like a 3 year old who just consumed way too much sugar, bouncing off the walls, and being still seems so hard, if not impossible?
So, I did what I always do when I don’t know what the answer is: I asked the Lord.
Me: Lord, how do I slow the inside down? How do I fix this and get back to a place of peace and order in my thoughts, so that I can be better connected to You and to my own heart again, instead of only being driven by my to-do lists?
God: In rest, you will find RESToration.
Me: <groan> I stink at resting. I am so not good at it. Honestly, I don’t even think I truly know how to rest right now! I’m going to need a step by step plan for learning how to rest if this is going to work. Please give me your strategy for this!
And so, just like He promised He would do when we ask for wisdom and strategy, He delivered a personalized plan for me! This is what I felt Him direct me to do:
- For the first 6 months of the year, every single day, pull away and go to your bedroom. Set the timer on your phone for 10 minutes. This will be what rest looks like for you as it grows in your heart. (Note: I started out with just 10 minutes… but, later on, as I got better at this <hello, discipline!> and started loving it, I increased the time and then found myself pulling away multiple times a day because it was just so wonderful)
- ONLY think about how much I love you, how My affections are for you, and how you, Leah, delight Me… let MY love and affections for you start to transform and renew your mind. When your thoughts start to drift to other things during the 10 minutes, yank them back, and refocus on receiving My love and affections for you. (Note: you would not believe how hard this was for me to do in the beginning – 10 minutes is a long time to sit with one thought! When I first started this practice, I would only make it 2 or 3 minutes tops before my mind would drift to “I need to do this afterwards… or remember to tell this person such-and-such.” But, I learned to yank my thoughts back over and over again and refocus on leaning into His love for me, and it got easier over time to stay in that place for longer and longer amounts of time).
- (After a few weeks of ONLY focusing on His love, the next step of instructions came). After you have spent the first few minutes of time focusing on My love and affections for you, then spend time AGREEING with Me. Believe about yourself all of those things that I am speaking over your heart, see yourself the way I see you – do you agree that you are My delight and have been made worthy of My love, that I’m crazy about you, and that you make Me smile? Do you believe that you are amazing, when I say that you are amazing? “We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19” (Note: FIRST comes His love for us, and that is what enables us to return that love back to Him!) To the degree that you receive My love for you and AGREE with it, is the measure that you will be able to release your love for ME! (Note: I realized that even though I want to love Him better, love Him more, offer Him everything I can possibly offer Him – I am capped off and limited to what I can offer Him by the degree of HOW MUCH I agree with His affections for me! This simple truth was worth pondering and caused me to put more value and attention in really receiving and believing His affections were for me and agreeing with how awesome He sees me, so that I have more to offer of love and affection back to Him!)
- (Again, after a few weeks, the next step came). The pattern for rest is 1) Focus on and receive My love and affections for you, 2) Agree with them, and 3) Return and release your love back to Me! (Note: as time went on, I began to live from the place once again of knowing deep-down how loved I am, believing and agreeing with it, and spending the majority of my quiet time being able to release my affections and true worship back to Him! My lists were no longer in control of my mind, and my body/soul/spirit were back in alignment. I felt connected again to my own heart and to hearing the heart of the Father once again!)
And the cycle continues over and over, His love is showered on me, I agree with it as it lands on My heart, and then I release it back to Him. I faithfully did this every day for the first 6 months of 2019, and it changed me! Not only did this renew my mind, but I feel like it renewed me on all levels. I could feel a difference even physically, and I believe spending time in His presence even renews us on a cellular level. I’m stepping out a little on a limb here, but I will even admit that I could see a difference when I looked in the mirror. I started to look younger – like my skin was anti-aging! And, others noticed, too. I started getting compliments and questions about what skin products I was using, or when people would find out how old my kids were and did the math – they’d ask me about my age. It was happening so often that is was comical – I knew that this strategy He had given me was renewing me in body/soul/spirit. In His presence is the fullness of joy, which really is the best-kept secret of anti-aging! This rest – resting in His perfect, complete love for me – brought RESToration to my whole being.
There are a ton of really great resources out there that have to do with rest, dealing with anxiety, getting a healthier mental space: Dr. Caroline Leaf has wonderful, science-based books on how to rebuild healthy neuropathways, Brene Brown has so many wonderful books, and there are gobs of wonderful sermons and teachings from really anointed and wise teachers. There are also absolutely wonderful counselors, therapists, and doctors to assist with bringing you into a place to more easily receive healing and walk in health. I’m also honored to share in this blog my personal testimony of my own healing and restoration season. But, no thing, no book, no teaching or testimony, and no one can substitute first coming to The One who knows the intricacies of who you are, how you are made, and where you are at right now on the inside. Ask Him for a plan – He promises to help you, and He promises to give you wisdom when you need it! So, here is the main point of this blog: He has a very specific, personalized strategy for EVERY issue in your life, in every season. He can give you true rest. He can give you life-changing, long-lasting true restoration!
Looking back, I can’t really express how thankful I am that I was able to finally learn how to rest, that I took the time (although 6 months seemed like so long to me at the beginning of it!), and that since then, I’ve been able to maintain a lifestyle of rest on the inside. The season changed me in so many deep ways, and has allowed me to receive from the Lord more easily. I’m also extremely grateful to be in the midst of this quarantine time living out of a place of true inner rest. This peace guards my heart and mind, and anchors me to the Hope, safe and secure.